Friday, 3 July 2009

I fell off the dharma wagon, but it keeps pulling me back on.

I've spent the last week and a half slacking big time on sitting and generally staying present. I've not touched this blog despite spending dozens of hours in front of the computer, choosing instead to aimlessly browse and squander time playing on-line games, an escape route from reality on which I have spent far too many hours. I've been drowning in my past and fantasising about a glorious future and being thoroughly disenchanted with the present moment.

This said however, once we hear the truth of Buddhism, we are never truly the same. The truth, once experienced, changes us forever and we cannot return to our old, ignorant ways for very long, without realising what we have done. One time I heard a recovering alcoholic say that once alcoholics know the truth of themselves their drinking is spoiled forever. I think it is the same for we ego-addicts, for that is what we surely are, and that is the self which the Buddha exhorted people to leave behind. I may have identified with thoughts over this last couple of weeks, the 'stinking thinking' that some recovering alcoholics call it, but the light of truth keeps illuminating my folly.

I never really fell of the dharma wagon at all. I'm tied to it through realisation.

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